About Adventure Racing
1944 - After a brief but grueling tour in the Pacific I came home to cheers and ladies. But what I was most excited to see, what kept me going on the darkest days, what got me out of my cramped quarters on the destroyer was my adventure racing gear. When I opened my closest at mom's and saw my Salomon pack and my Go Lite racing shirt I knew I was truly home again.
1953 - Three adventure races competed in January alone. My team came in last in all three. I am positive it is my AR gear. My pack is terrible and my outfits are awful. How I convinced my teammates to allow us to make our own stuff I have no idea. I promise that I will be back.
1961 - I am back. I did the Coast to Coast adventure race in February and came in fourth. I did the Adventure Race for Lovers in June and came in second. I have two more races to go this year. I have shaved my head and I'm decked in the best AR gear in the world from head to toe. Everyone is calling me Howie instead of Howard. It just feels faster. I am considering just H.
1970 - I am in my adventure racing prime. My weight is down, my adventure racing gear is top notch and I have never felt stronger. I still don't know how to swim which keeps me out of several AR events. I couldn't list discuss my lack of swimming until now because I was in the navy, after all. I figure that 25 years after I got home it was time to open up. I am taking swim lessons now and will be the best adventure racer in the world by 1974.
1975 - I missed my mark by one year. I am now the world's premier adventure racer. I am sponsored by Salomon, I know how to swim, my name has been changed from Howard to Howie to H to Hot Stuff to Hot and back to H. Someone told me I looked like Spiro Agnew yesterday. Life couldn't be more glorious.
1980 - I have scaled back to one adventure race a month and am now spending much of my time coaching other adventure racers and consulting about adventure racing gear. I have won seventeen straight adventure races if you don't count the fourteen AR races I did not win.
1989 - It has been four years since I have completed an adventure race. As you know, I became quite involved in several different environmental issues and thought there would be no better way to put the world on notice than to boycott adventure racing and even more so, to shun the adventure racing world entirely. Perhaps not shun but something close to that. No one really cared about me or my shunning so I will be holding a press conference on the Island of Lucy to declare that I will be back and that I will not stop short of anything but being the ninth or fourth best adventure racer in the world.
1997- My plan to come back and be the best adventure racer in the world fell a bit short of my expectations. Adventure racing is just too big now and there are too many younger and stronger participants. Fortunately, no one knows AR better than me so I am a full time adventure racing maestro. I coined the name adventure racing maestro myself. I am writing AR books and working with AR companies ranging from Salomon to Suunto to Go Lite. My most recent book was named best book no one was likely to read by my friend Portie.
2006 - Adventure Racing has never been more popular and I have never been happier. I am the president of the Adventure Racing for Babies Association (ARBA) which teach babies the benefits of climbing and kayaking before crawling. I am back to making my own adventure racing gear but it is just a hobby and I don't expect anyone to buy anything. Ahh.to be age gracefully is to love but to age with fire is to live. I made that up myself after winning a seniors event in July.