Top Ten Ways to Wreck Your Gear
Sick and tired of having clean, functional gear? Is maintenance and upkeep too exhausting? Here is a quick list of things you can and should do if you're looking to save some time by neglecting your outdoor gear.
10. Don't Untie Your Laces
In theory, tying shoe laces is easy. But have you ever actually sat down and tried it? Exhausting. If you spend 1.75 minutes a day tying shoes and extrapolate that over 70 years... that's 31 days spent entirely tying shoes. So add a month onto your life and just mash your feet into your already laced shoes.
9. Never think twice about your filter
If you're a little parched and there's a muddle puddle nearby, go ahead and pull out your filter and fill up your containers. Also, you might have heard the words "back flush" kicked around when you were purchasing your water filter. Don't worry, this is a very technical procedure reserved for chemists or physicists. Ignore it. And there's no need to ever open it up to get at the cartridge. What are you, a mechanic? Just keep on pumping away until you sweat out more liquid than your filter is generating.
8. Don't bear bag
After cooking dinner, you probably left your food bag sitting by your chair, now you're sleepy. You could round up anything that has a scent, untangle your bear bag line, venture a hundred feet from camp, spend about 15 throws trying to hook a branch, then hoist everything up. I got sleepy just writing that. Here's a lazier idea, just leave everything on the ground and go to sleep.
7. Use your sleeping pad everywhere
Whether you're relaxing next to the campfire on a cool night, or passing out in your friend's basement after a raging party, feel free to use your inflatable sleeping pad. Sure, these things are designed to minimize weight and bulk and meant to be used in a tent, but pointy rocks, pine needles and broken glass are probably fine too.
6. Assume your GoPro is indestructible
We've all see the incredible footage that GoPros can shoot. We've even seen videos of them being dropped by skydivers and surviving. The only logical conclusion is that these things are stronger than airplane black boxes, so no need for kid gloves. They somehow sidestep the basic laws of physics. So go ahead and toss it on down to your buddy on a multi-pitch climb.
5. Don't look where you're going, and go fast
Life is more exciting when you're out of control. Unpredictable, spontaneous and wild. So when you're out day hiking or backpacking, crossing rivers or scrambling across scree, feel free to tumble around, just try to land on your pack. Also, bring a pretty nice first aid kit.
4. Throw away repair kits
When you buy a tent, sleeping pad, filter or whatever, sometimes they come with an annoying little repair kit. This thing is a lot like the warranty they tried to tack on when you bought your last TV. But c'mon, nothing bad will happen. Place that repair kit directly in the trash, it'll save you the trouble of losing it later.
3. Loan it to your idiot friend
We all have that enthusiastic friend who likes to get out there and do things, without necessarily thinking everything through. Odds are this lunatic is gonna come to you at some point for some last minute gear because he undoubtedly lost his in a river. Go ahead and hand over your best tent and sleeping bag.
2. Don't unpack it
This is as easy as it sounds. When you finally finish your long drive home after a camping trip, just go shower and take a nap. Leave your tent and sleeping bag, still wet from the morning's condensation, crammed in their stuff sacks and sitting in your musty trunk. If you plan on going on another trip in the next year or so, what's the point of unpacking it just to pack it again?
1. Put beer in your hydration bladder
This one is self-explanatory. Ignore the fact that bladders can be difficult to clean, there are more important things going on.
