Think about all of the awesome people who have worn tank tops. I know, there is only one man you can picture in your head in a tank top right now, and it’s Nic Cage in the movie Con Air. Or maybe you are picturing Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Even still, you could be picturing Richard Simmons. I am not here to judge your ability to remember famous men in tank tops, I am here to tell you just how awesome a tank top is for you.
Here’s an interesting fact that I just made up. Did you know that all tank tops begin as long sleeve shirts? The sleeves are then removed and added to other shirts to make clothing for the spider people who live in the forests. It’s a fact, because it’s on the internet. Tanks are great shirts to wear when you are doing something adventurous or heroic. They are also great for physical activity like working out or layering under your clothes to make you look more buff if you don’t feel like working out. Don’t worry though, I think you look great.
Tanks and toothpicks are international symbols of manly aloofness. A man in a tank top with a toothpick that he isn’t using for cleaning his teeth is a force that no one dare reckon with for fear of being annihilated by testosterone fueled destruction. I can never have a toothpick in my mouth for longer than 10 minutes before converting it to wood pulp, but that could be because I have never tried it with a tank top on. Something about how comfortable a tank is and its increased ventilation and range of motion must make gnawing on sticks less appealing.